Let The D(e)ad Rest in Peace

You are still breathing, but what now?

Find comfort in sorrow, and as much joy amidst the pain. Take all the time you need, let the tears fall like rain. I promise it gets better even if it does not stay the same. No matter how messy, the sun will rise and we will try again.

It is a force of nature, and sometimes, there is nothing you can do to stop it. Even if you work, you fight, and you would not hesitate to throw your life on the line to stop it. Sometimes, there are things that you can’t prevent, there are stories you can’t narrate, and choices that aren’t yours to make. Quite literally — People die and go everything is temporary. It is part and parcel of life and a natural process that no one can escape from, but you will be okay (or even better than just okay).

Once in a while, a piece of you dies and fades away — priorities shift, responsibilities pile on, certain narratives that we used to hold so dearly to gets outgrown. Sometimes this brings a sense of renewed excitement, a breath of fresh air that we were craving for. But sometimes, the sadness from the little parts that we left behind pushes us to reminisce and ponder. Some grieves are heavier than others.

When it gets bad, sit in your feelings. Let every inch of your living breathing being crumble into the sand and shatter like precious chinaware. People grieve differently. But it is important to know that you do not have to shove your emotions into a deep dark tunnel. Break so vulnerably in the plain sight of bright daylight. Your emotions are valid and your pain is real. But this too shall pass and when you are ready you will look up and see the sun brightly shining down on you, with its warm gentle light ready to nurture and guide you through your next adventure.

2020 saw many deaths in my life — the passing of my dad, getting dumped by my first boyfriend, the drastic drop in my grades, the sudden evaporation of motivation for almost anything, or even the inability to mingle with large groups of friends due to the pandemic. Tragic as they are, it saw the birth of many beautiful things in its place. I was forced to be more independent and figure out the direction I choose to carve my life towards, I learned the importance of finding peace from within even when the storm outside continues to roar, and I started to value learning over numbers on a report card. Through experiencing death, I learned to live.

The bad news is that things come and go. But the good news is that things come and go, and it gets better. Things get difficult but it will go on, you will be okay. New people come into your life, the new semester of school will still start, you start to find ways to circumvent restrictions while bearing in mind safe distancing. You do the best you can with the little you have. And you do better.